..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
