I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
