I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
