dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
