I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
