Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize
