Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
