her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
