Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm just crazy horny about you
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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