Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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