Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
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