Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
