Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
