I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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