Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
