I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
