So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
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