apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
