He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
