you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
