new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
