Kiss
Puke
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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