It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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