I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
