We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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