Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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