I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
this is an emotional support booty call
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
