Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
