i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
