i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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