Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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