Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
