I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
