Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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