FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Randomize
