Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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