he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
