You made me cry and you don't even care
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
