having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
