paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
