when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
