I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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