physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
