His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
