you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
