Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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