She's JV to your varsity
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
