Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
