Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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