I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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