she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
