I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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